2 week after Lap Band Surgery

So here we are at the end of week 2. Tough yes because its a full liquid diet although I did start week three a lil early because the full liquid diet is not enough my stomach hurts so bad when I'm hungry. I tell you eggs never tasted so good and chewing eggs is a big must. I never realized that if we took the time to chew the food we eat we would get full and be so content. Cream of chicken and carnation instant breakfast and jello. I started on eggs today and then I had mashed potatos for dinner. omg it tasted soooooo good. I will say this, they were not kidding when they said it would take dedication. I haven't weighed myself to see what my weight is. My first pre op visit to the doctor is March 9th. The aching of the cuts are gone but I still can't move the way I would I can still feel some pull on them and I can feel the portal sometimes pinch the skin on the inside but not enough for me to be in pain. I can now lay on my sides but I still have to lay down carefully as to not hurt myself. I did go out to go food shopping but I came back so achey. When I went to try to do normal house work I found that my back and my stomach area were achey as well so I know I need to take it easy. I can say that I am taking it easy I walk around my house to avoid bed sores but I do relax alot so that I can continue on my road to recovery and weight loss.

lap band surgery

I started my quest on getting the lap band in July of 2009. I visited the Dr who would do my surgery and his team. Very nice people. I got lots of information from a seminar I went to and I was so impressed that I made my final decision then to get the surgery done. I had to visit the doctor and nutritionist and of course other people from his team. For someone who is morbid obese I didn't have alot of the problems other people who are over weight experience like diabetes, high blood pressure etc. I was lucky in that department.  I have the weight don't feel good about the way I look and well I have sleep apnea too. lots of water retention in my legs at the end of the night. But I was scared that if I didn't do something about the weight I wouldn't live to see my children grow up. My kids are my one important thing in my life and I had to so something about my weight. My husband is not supportive at all but who gives a fuck about him really I wasn't doing it for him I was doing it for my kids and yes myself. I have all the support I need from my friends. I did all that going to the gym and it was working but you know when someone starts to act like a bitch asking wheres my dinner and alot of other nonsense well its not gonna work. So after that I slacked and had another baby. Gaining even more weight. I felt so fucking ugly like from someone who used to weigh 120 lbs to 298 holy shit thats two times the weight and then some. I've known I had to do something for a long time I had seen some pictures of when I went to Florida to visit a friend of mine and I was Oh hell no it can't be but yet it was. I know it takes lots of changing what I eat and exercise but this is as the Dr says a tool to help you get to your goal and stay there. Its not fool proof you can still gain weight if you don't follow the rules. But I'm ready. I had my surgery on Monday Feb 15 2010 and I can tell you I was in alot of pain afterwards but thats because my body doesn't take well to a serious trauma to it. Happened when I got my tubes tied. So instead of it being an outpatient surgery I was in there for two days more recouperating. Its been a liquid diet for almost two weeks and next week I go on a full liquid which means creamy stuff like milk. Now did I cheat a little by eating while i was on the liquid diet before surgery yeah I did but not to the point where it was pointless to go thru the surgery just a bite here and there of meat or a spoon of rice and that was like once or twice within the two weeks. Its hard to cut all food off when the people around you are eating everything that tastes so good but is so bad. any how yes I lost weight within those two weeks like I was supposed to. When I went for the surgery I was at 284 like I lost 14 lbs! Now that I have the surgery there is no cheating you can seriously fuck urself up and then they have to go in nah my body can't take all that so I am behaving but I tell ya chicken broth taste like shit now and i'm tired of jello. lmao can't wait till I go on the full liquid I can at least go into milk which can sustain ur hunger pains, and the week after soft foods. I am on my way to a brand new me that disappeard a long time ago. I will continue to post updates on my weight loss and when I'm comfortable I will post pictures of before and after.

just finding some old work I did

i have some work i wrote. I know I will post them as soon as I get some time. Guess that will be when I go out on disability. Good shit too. Stuff I wrote when people I know went thru some break ups and relationship problems. and Hey ya 'll all are welcome to post your own shit too. come on now I love to read good work.

Dear Mother

Hello Mother how are you today? Has your life been better since you went away? Its been years since I last saw you. There have been many things I have been thru. I still wonder what was it that I did wrong to make you leave me. I was only 8 months old, you know still a baby? I've tried many times to understand why you did this yet I can't find any anwers and I start to get pissed. When you held me in your arms did you fall in love with me the way that mothers do? Or was I just a mistake that ruined your life too. I finally met you when I was a teen. you stood there before just like in a dream. Funny I always knew I didn't belong. I felt it in my bones that something was wrong. I remember you showed me pictures of your new family. What the hell was that about? How come you you never came back for me?When you and Dad parted ways you took my brothers and left so far away. Not even a post card my birthday you sent. Year after year the years came and went. Growing up sucked for you me you know, with an imposter who called herself mother she raised me with her love blow after blow. Imagine if you had stuck around to see all the abuse I endured over the years? and still I am me. You would be proud of the way I turned out. I am all grown up, a woman without a doubt. I have my own children whom I love you see. I would never give them up no matter who or what they belong with me. How a mother turns her back on her own flesh and blood is beyond my understanding. I'll never let mine go, hell no no fucking way they're mine do you understand me? I asked God to forgive you for the mistake you made, and to grant me the serenity so that I can not hate. Dear mother don't worry I forgive you for not being there for not being a mother for leaving me even though I know in my heart you never cared. I feel sorry for you, really I do. I could never be like you. I could never be cruel. So with this thought I leave you mother, a thought for the day. What comes around goes around be what it may.