The end to something I had to let go

Its been 4 1/2 months since I became single. After 22 1/2 yrs of marriage I finally let it go. I thought it was going to be painful but it wasn't. It was an actual relief. I finally realized that holding on to something out of habit was causing more harm than good. I was hurting myself but more importantly my children. It was not a good relationship to begin with. There was too much emotional, verbal and mental abuse and I realized that I had married my mother. I stood in it that long because I had kids and thought that no matter what I had to make it work. But it sucks when you are the only person who is trying and the other one just keeps taking advantage and keeps stomping all over your heart. After a while your heart begins to shut down and you begin to get cold and not care. You go thru a state of depression because you have tried everything to prove that you are the one that they should be with and you give so much but they feel that its ok to call you out your name and treat you like your a door mat. Never regarding your feelings. Never realizing that they are shutting you out and once that door is closed there is no turning back. Love should never hurt. Love should never treat you like your nothing. Never appreciating the things that you do and just over all treating you like garbage. A woman is supposed to feel loved, appreciated, Respected, honored. You have everything you could have in a person and you feel the need to go stray. I don't get that. You act like your better than that woman that you are superior. Thats now how it works that woman is your equal she is supposed to be your rock but when you kick that rock around enough it sure to disappear. To go back a little on what I said earlier about marrying my mother. I grew up in a house where the same type of abuse was done to me. Thats all I knew so when I left home and I got together with this individual I found the same qualities subconciously and well I had a family and now I thought I had to keep it together for them. I realize now in looking back that even though I tried to make it work and in 22 yrs it never changed I know now that it will never be. I have to say that even though I am now single I am not unhappy. I am the happiest I have ever been. I realize that the person I was with didnt deserve me. I didnt need someone to validate me as a woman. So even though its been only 4 months I have been thinking for a long time and I finally said ENOUGH. When infidelity plays a part and there's no more trust what the fuck are you doing still waiting for this person to get it. Now they realize what I was and worth and I'm supposed to take that apology and go ok like always. Not this time. I paved the way for that pattern. I'm sorry ok and then its done. Well no longer will I be that door mat any more. FOR ANYONE! I decided to end it when this person was once again up to his old tricks. Acting out like a high school student. Please I'm to grown for that shit and I was done with the nonsense and then to be given an ultimatum? HA! that was not flowing with me. But what really did it for me was the fact that on his mission to get my attention so to speak he dissed my son for a date. A DATE, word? nah You messed with the wrong thing this time. So I said I've been doing it on my own forever even while he was in the picture.  I will continue and I will be the best mother that I can be to my kids. If he cant' handle that tough shit try that shit on someone who doesn't know you and doesn't know the bullshit. I know you too well and thats why I won't go back because I know its going to be the same shit. and it will never change as long as I allow for him to do it. Don't stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons if doesn't treat you like the queen or king that you deserve get out and walk away find someone who will appreciate you and treat you like the King/Queen you are. With that being said I am not upset any more and I can honestly say I hope that one day he can find someone and learn to love that person the way they deserve. But he has to change the person that he is in order to go foward. As for me I am moving foward not backward and I am going to do with a clear mind and know that I am destined to be appreciated, loved and respected. Life is good to me now and I am beyond happy. I realize that I had to let the negativity go and believe in myself because I am all I have to depend on. God has blessed me with 5 children and that was the only thing that was good that came out of that relationship. God continues to bless me with every breathe I take and the strength I need to go foward. I know that he will continue to bless me as he has always have but I didnt realize it before. Thank you God for everything that I have. I believe I have learnt my lesson and am ready for the next one.